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by Night-thing

boat living question by Victoria_Sunshine: How do I deal with not having a clear diagnosis?
I've had a history of mental issues---whether they're genetic or caused by my history or something I'm actively allowed to be in my life, I have no idea. The only thing I've really been sure I've had is obsessive-compulsive disorder (POCD and violent obsessions) as a child and it went undiagnosed. That started in elementary school and ended at about 15 or 16. By the time I started receiving help, my obsessions had died down. I went to a family doctor who gave me Lexapro for generalized anxiety. Although I was frequently unhappy, angry, and somewhat unstable (I'd snap and just leave school, or I'd stay up till early hours in the morning roaming Wal-Mart---I've always been a pretty unhappy kid by nature), this was balanced out by feelings of intense joy. I'd have moments where I was driving in my car and I felt as if nobody could ever possibly experience the degree of happiness I was experience. I always brushed it off as being so pleasant because I had such an extreme to compare it to--anxiety and depression that left me worn out.

When I first entered college, my anxiety and unhappiness upped. I don't really remember every detail of that year other than I got off my Lexapro and ended up taking Citalopram for a bit. I'd go through periods where I'd completely not use the medication; either that, or I used the medication poorly. I had my first panic attack this year---the first one I tokened as a panic attack anyways. I remember having many late, miserable nights. I had tried to see a therapist, but she told me it was just a period of adjustment. Whatever.

This year, I came into school feeling much happier than usual. I felt like my life was going to change for the better. That was quickly shot down. Eventually I got a job as a waitress, which I hated. I was constantly binging (I have been binging since middle school---and it has blow up into an addiction that both packs on the pounds---I've ballooned up to 260 this year on a 5'11" frame--) and I was constantly feeling like a failure. I don't know how to explain how unhappy I've been this year. Not only that, but my desire to make reckless decisions has increased. I desperately want to "live" life---and for some reason, I feel that I have do do unhealthy things to get there. Not only that, but my binging is awful and I never sleep---and I just stay up all night thinking, staying on the Internet. I'm an honors student with a full ride and it's getting harder for me to give a flip about my grades. There's something in me that has grown more intense this year---and that's the only thing I know.

A lot of my misery comes from high expectations from myself---I've actually accomplished a lot; I just always want more. I do feel like I have this unhappy baseline though that my mood starts out with. I don't know.

What I do know is that I tried to commit suicide finally and ended up in a mental ward. I had been having suicidal thoughts for months. In the ward, they diagnosed me as having Bipolar II, or manic-depressive disorder.

Well, I've been diagnosed as having generalized anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder. I'm tired of constantly being put on new meds or being told I have some new disease. Yes, I feel like there's something wrong---but I want a label, ya know? Without it, I just feel like a pathetic spoiled brat, and that just makes me feel worse. I do think that Bipolar II is a possibility, but I don't want to just jump in that boat, you know?

How do I deal with not having a clear diagnosis? Or better yet---how do I come back from the psych ward positively? I've felt pretty bad since leaving.

boat living best answer:

Answer by Julia
you HAVE got a label.... you have three of them generalised anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder
there is no magic wonder cure, so its going to be trial and error to see what helps eliminate symptoms

Välkommen to Stockholm
Filed under: boat living
It's where the inner and outer archipelagos meet, and is about two hours from the city by boat. Seekonk's Linda Fasteson writes monthly for Living Well. She can be reached for travel tips or comments at rolidakr@comcast.net. http://www.thesunchronicle.com/articles/2011/10/19/features/10294059.txt

m spent on failed Malaysia swap deal
Filed under: boat living
BY BIANCA HALL Mandatory detention had not deterred people trying to reach Australia by boat, Department of Immigration and Citizenship secretary Andrew Metcalfe said yesterday. ''Detention has clearly not been a deterrent,'' Mr Metcalfe told a Senate ... http://www.canberratimes.com.au/news/national/national/general/5m-spent-on-failed-malaysia-swap-deal/2327032.aspx

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